All My Little Words

Oh dear lord, it’s almost over. My Winter Break, gone, just like that, passed by in a flash, as I knew it would all along. Even the extra two snow days didn’t do much for extending it. Sigh.

I didn’t get to do so many of the things I wanted to do, mostly because of the snow, mostly because a lot of those things were to do with Sage, who ended up being at his dad’s house for a couple of extra days because driving in the snow here sucks. Then there was driving to pick up the new washer and dryer in the snow because we were tired of waiting for them, and apparently, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Christmas Eve seemed lost because we didn’t even get there until the day was half way over, and the drive was so harrowing (it included a chunk of ice the size of a cinder block flying across several lanes of the West Seattle Bridge and hitting the windshiled of our car) and we were so stressed out that we may as well forget that day even happened. Christmas Day, as always, so long anticipated, was over almost before it began. And then another two or more hours of that day eaten up by getting Sage to Shoreline for his big gift at his dad’s house (a new laptop) and worried that I was going to get stuck in the snow there. I didn’t get stuck that day, but I sure as shit did when I went back to pick him up several days later.

Which is not to say we didn’t have any fun. There were midnight walks in the snow, and snowball fights that ended in Jaxon slipping and falling big time in the middle of the street, much to the delight of the rest of us. There were great Xmas gifts, and delicious dinners. And I did do a lot of the things I had intended to do, but as I sit here and think about the rest, I have a hard time bringing myself to get up and do those last things because my time is almost gone. That’s why these things remain always undone, because there is just never enough time for it all, to rest and relax AND get these bigger projects done.

So my break was a mix of great and merely okay, which is pretty much how things always go, I guess. Every year, we come to the end and reflect back, and every year, it all comes out kind of the same as the one before. it is only over a long period of time that we start to see big changes. This past year of mine was certainly much better than any year that I had a decade ago. These days, each year finds me a little happier than the one before, even if the year starts out looking completely shitty like 2008 did. Ultimately, this past year was good to us – we bought a house, we have a bunch of cool new stuff, and we have each other, and a lot of laughs and love. But before we got the house, it seemed like we’d never even be able to remotely find one that was within reach, and then when we found this one, it seemed like all the forces of the universe were plotting against us so we wouldn’t get it.
And ultimately, 2008 will always be the year that Bobby died. Maybe it wasn’t the year everything changed – it seemed like that happened when we all left La Casa, against our collective will – but everything sure continued to change, and here we are, about to embark on 2009, with everything so much different. For our part, I’m glad for us that things have changed. We are better off. But the remnants of how we were lingers, and makes it difficult to continue to move on.

I know that 2009 will see us moving forward further, away from the past, but I have to wonder where the future will lead us. Ultimately, it seems like not much of anywhere. After all, here we are in our house that we plan to live in for long time, and trying to shake all the good times and bad that came before. More and more, we are content to just be at home by ourselves, just the two of us, where before we didn’t seem satisfied unless we were within a large group of people. It’s been ages since we went to a show, our trips to the bar become less and less frequent. Guests are fewer and farther between. And we seem happy that way.

I know my own social cycle waxes and wanes, I was perfectly happy at home alone for years, after years of being out everywhere all the time, and now after another period of being hyper-social, again, I find myself happiest here at home alone, or with Alex only.

Even though 2008 started like a big turd, with Bobby’s death and Eric’s subsequent incarceration into rehab, it slowly but surely became better. I hope that 2009 will get off to a slow start and simply get better as well.

Happy New Year.

My winter break is more than halfway over, and although it hasn’t just whizzed by, I am sad that it will be over so soon. Even though I am good at what I do, and a hard worker, I am a much better “housewife” than bacon bringer. I have said so many times, being on a set schedule makes me irritable. I like to wake up when it works out, it doesn’t matter if it is at the same time every morning, and the same time as when I am working. It is just so much better to wake naturally, with no disruptive alarm. And to go to sleep when I am tired, not when I think I should to make sure I get enough sleep. I am much more efficient when I do things in my own time, as I won’t start something that I can’t complete at least to a certain degree, so more often than not, I never bother even starting a lot of things, because they won’t get finished.

It is so nice to have been able to get things cleaned and organized, and at the same time had time for myself. It is nice to be on more or less the same schedule as everyone else, rather than having the weird pockets of time we usually have. I will miss the peace and quiet of home when I have to go back to the complete and utter chaos that is work, with the constantly ringing phone, and the multitude of people.

Sigh.

There I was thinking about my Winter Break and how 12 days off of work in a row was going to be amazing, but somehow, not quite enough. Then, it snowed. At first not enough to keep us home, although the ice it turned into was awful to drive on. School was two hours late for two days, and then it was supposed to snow again. So they cancelled school. And it didn’t snow. It snowed a day later instead. This time, we all stayed home for two days. I had to go to work one more day before my break started, but those extra two days were indeed bonus days, days when I had no scheduled errands to run, and any house cleaning I did was gratifying because it was “extra”. And I still had plenty of time to sit around and catch up on shows and movies.

Then, it snowed again.
This time, it wasn’t fucking around. Not for here anyway. It snowed, and snowed and snowed some more, something which just does not happen here. Just like snow three times in one week just does not happen. Sunday, I was out on the roof, shoveling snow off of the skylights with a dustpan. It kept snowing. I did not retrieve my child from his father’s house, planning to do so the next day when the conditions were better. It did not snow the next day, but the roads were either a sheet of ice, or a churned up mess from people driving with chains. The snow on the sides of the roads was deep and drifted. We ventured out to shop and eat lunch, and had a snowball fight. And ultimately, I did not feel totally comfortable driving to Shoreline to pick up my son. Our tires were slipping, but we would have been fine. The people out in inappropriate vehicles, and the ones going too fast – and the ones doing both – scared the crap out of me.

I’m officially on my winter break and I could stay here indefinitely, so I honestly don’t mind. There’s plenty to bitch about around here when it snows – I complain about both people who drive too fast because people are out walking in the street, and people who walk in the goddamn street. Other people who aren’t from here complain about how unprepared Seattle is, and how we need to get it together. I tell them to go suck it, maybe we like getting “snowed in” here. Maybe we want an excuse to not go to work for a few days every decade or so.

I personally have loved every minute. Well, maybe not so much the shoveling snow off the roof. More snow is on the way, so I’m going to get back to hunkering down and loving EVERY  MINUTE.

With my winter break just 10 short days away, it is all I can think about. I can’t believe something that I have been looking forward to for months is almost here.

I’m thinking that I should let Sage have his best friend over on the first day, and they can have a sleepover. Alex has class that night, so it will be a good day for company. We can make a shitload of Christmas cookies and whatever is left over may actually last through Christmas. Maybe the next day I will take them ice skating and/or to a movie. Then it will be almost Christmas!!

This weekend, Alex and Jaxon and Christine and I are going to see “My Name is Bruce” on Friday featuring an intro before and Q&A after by the one and only Bruce Campbell. That should be amazing, and a nice way to get out of the houe on a Friday night without making such a mess out of myself that work the next day is a total nightmare.

The following evening, we will be attending a holiday shitass at Josh’s. He has become mysteriously charitable this year, requesting that everyone bring a toy to donate to Treehouse. Good thing for him that is one of the few charities that I think is worthwhile. We all know that this has got to be Melissa’s idea. I’m sure it will be quite festive. I should invite Xtine over for the Xmas cookie extravaganza next Monday. Talk about festive!

And this is exactly why I am taking 12 days off for Christmas this year (the Twelve days of Christmas, how poetic, I hadn’t even thought of that!) There is always SO MUCH going on at this time of year! We are having Alex’s family over for a holiday dinner this Sunday and go to my parent’s on Christmas Eve. So this weekend is all booked up, and while next weekend is still open, I think I just filled up the first four days of my break. I think I will sleep all day the day after Christmas and then go to the bar all night. Whee! Then I will spend the next 4 days resting, until New Year’s Eve.

Hoping for snow during my winter break, not before! Apparantly, it snowed in NOLA today, what up with that, yo? Will wonders never cease?

Everyone knows I am not a lover of bright, sunny days, but this house could make me change my mind. I love them when I am sitting in the dining room or solarium looking out at the backyard.

It’s been a really busy month and more, as there was still a lot of unpacking to be done, and we had Thanksgiving dinner with my parents here this year, as well as Thanksgiving the day after for our friends. Although my execution of Thanksgiving Friday went well enough, I don’t think I’ll be doing it again. I had invited a lot of people, and none of those who asked me to the dinner showed up. It was still a success and there were still a lot of people, but it just wasn’t the same. It may have something to do with the fact that Bobby is gone.

A few of us talked about him that night. It seems unreal that he has been gone less than a year, while it is unreal that he is gone at all. It seems untrue still, but like he has been gone for ages all at the same time. I feel like after we lost Bobby, everything sort of went downhill and fell apart, as far as having any fun goes, anyway. Even though Bobby wasn’t responsible for me knowing everyone, he may have been the glue.

We sat out in the solarium that night, and even Grant noticed that I’d changed it and was very complimentary of it.
Since then, I’ve put up the artificial tree back there – it is white and sparkly, something I never thought I’d want, but it really looks great against the white siding. It lights up the room amazingly well.

A lot more things have happened in the last month, but really, who wants to talk about all of it? Sometimes I wonder why I ever want to remember anything. That said, things are going well. The house looks good, we’re not struggling (yet) in the shitty economy, Christmas is coming. I do feel like hibernating though, just us, here at home. That would be nice.